Wow...its been awhile!!!

 

 

I had a few free minutes today and started looking at blogs I used to follow (yes used to is right). I don't know why but for some reason I quit blogging. But looking at all those blogs got me thinking about how fun and rewarding it really is. So here is my first attempt to get back into documenting my life. Where do I even begin though....I guess I just start with today and hopefully make a point of doing this more often!! Cal continues to bless our lives in more ways than we could have ever imagined! He is smart, determined, confident, cautious, and loving. He is walking, talking, and growing up way too fast. Will and Ivy simply adore him. I mentioned in an instagram post that sometimes lifes trials turn into lifes greatest blessings. And with Cal that is most definitely the case.  Life is beautiful and I am so happy with the journey I am on. So heres to more blogging....lets see if I can keep this rekindled flame alive!!

Eight Months

I know it has been way way way too long since my last post and I am feeling ever so guilty. Got our family pics taken and had to share this shot of my little man at 8 months old. Love him with all my heart...and I will be updating soon!!

 

 

Love This...

My mom's friend passed this along to her and I absolutely LOVE it. It captures all my thoughts and emotions and shares them in the perfect way.

 

 

 

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by
Emily Perl Kingsley.

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.



4 Months!

My little man is growing so fast! Here are his four month stats...

Weight: 13lbs 9.5oz  His charts 75% Average Height charts 20%

Length: 23 inches His charts 50% Average Height charts 1%

Head Size: 17.25 inches His Charts 50% Average Height charts 85%

What a great summer we have had! I say this everytime but its so true...Cal is the happiest most content baby ever! He just goes with the flow. Maybe thats how it is when you are the third child but we sure are grateful that he is content to do whatever it is we are doing. As far as milestones go...he is able to fully support his head on his own (which is a pretty big task when you have a big noggin), and just three days ago he started to grab for toys, his binky, and my hand when I put them in front of him. He is also a jabber box... he makes the cutest little baby noises and we get a laugh every now and then if I act really really crazy!  He hasn't even thought about rolling over yet tho...tummy time is still really hard for him. Because his head is on the large size its difficult when he is on his tummy to hold his head up for more than a few seconds, but we are working every day and we know eventually he will get there! He goes to bed at 8 wakes up at 5 on the button every morning to eat and  then is back to sleep until 7:30 or 8:00. He still loves to be swaddled nice and tight for bed. And yes I rock him to sleep. It will be a minor miracle if I have another baby so I want to enjoy every moment I have with this little babe. I tell him every morning...Cal, you make mommy so happy. And its true...there is nothing better than seeing his happy smiling face first thing in the morning. Happy 4 months baby boy...we LOVE you!

 My little boater! My fam goes boating every Thursday and Cal is always up for a boat ride. He is the first of 12 grandkids to not scream and even crack a smile while wearing this annoying life jacket!

 Now that our yard is finally done we love having dinner and enjoying our peaceful summer nights in the backyard!

 Hiking up Adams canyon

 Worn out from all our 4th of July fun!

Don't be Sorry

   I had someone come by today. Someone who has not seen Cal since he was born. His first words were we have all been thinking about you and we are so sorry. I know he had the best of intentions and I know his words were not meant to create a stir in my heart...but they did, and so I felt like I should share my feelings as of lately. 
    I know it can be hard to know what to say to someone who is dealing with a situation that you yourself have never gone through...and I don't expect people to say the right thing every time. And I will say that saying something is always better than just ignoring the situation all together (that is even  more uncomfortable for me). I guess his comment just made me want to shout from my roof top...PLEASE don't feel sorry for me. Am I going to have hard days...yes absolutely! Will there be days I cry...yes! Are there nights I lie awake and relive those first few nights in the hospital...most certainly. I won't say that this is easy because for me it is not. But I have never once felt sorry for myself. Just right now Cal is sitting here looking up at me with such a big grin on his face and I know I will never be sorry...so please don't be sorry for me.
     Sometimes I think people don't say anything because they don't want me to feel uncomfortable. And honestly before Cal I would have been one of those people who didn't say anything. I would have ignored the situation all together...but now I see things differently. I love it when people ask me questions...its ok to be curious and I am happy to talk about Cal. I want everyone to know about him!! This little boy has changed me in so many ways...and most days now are good days. The bad are few and far between. I love him with a fierce and protective love that is hard to describe. I will never feel sorry...but rather grateful that he is mine!!
  

Cals Blessing Day

We blessed Cal the first Sunday in May. It was a great day...one I will never forget. Marcus gave Cal such a sweet blessing. Cal looked adorable in his blessing outfit. It is the same outfit Marcus wore 34 years ago when he was blessed, and Will wore 6 years ago on his blessing day. All our family (except Marcus's brother) were able to come celebrate Cal's special day. The pictures I posted capture his personality perfectly. He's either looking around with big wide eyes or smiling like crazy! Love this little boy sooo much!

2 Months

Wow 2 months already?? Where does the time go? Here are Cal's stats:

Weight: 11 pounds 1 oz. On his charts he is in the 75% in Average Height Charts the 36%

Height: 21 inches. His charts 50% Average Height Chart 1%

Head Size: 16.5 inches. His charts 50% Average Height Chart 89%

Basically he is following along just how he should...short and a big head:)! Is it bad to say that I hope he always stays in the 50th percentile or less as far as his head is concerned? I guess thats me being superficial but this blog is about me being honest and thats just how I feel. I looked back at pictures from the past month and I'm feeling guilty. I took sooo many pictures in the beginning and I became a major slacker this past month. Most my pictures are of him in his car seat. Fitting though since it seems all we do is run from one place to the next. Will is busy with baseball and soccer. Ivy is busy with gymnastics and dance, and it seems we are rarely home. Good thing Cal is such a good sport and just goes with the flow. He is still happy and content which is so wonderful! He goes to bed around 9 wakes up to eat once at night and then is back to sleep until 6 or 7. He is holding his head up for brief periods of time and is smiling like crazy! Every day I fall more and more in love with him. We are going to our first Little People event on Friday. I'm a little nervous. Not sure what to expect. Honestly, I just hope to make some friends.  I know that may not happen right away but maybe over time...just to have someone to talk to that knows what I am going through would be so wonderful.

Happy 2 Months Cal...I promise to take more pictures this month!

Me and Cal in St. George....this is the only picture I have of me and him. New goal: Take more pictures with my sweet baby!!!