Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Don't be Sorry

   I had someone come by today. Someone who has not seen Cal since he was born. His first words were we have all been thinking about you and we are so sorry. I know he had the best of intentions and I know his words were not meant to create a stir in my heart...but they did, and so I felt like I should share my feelings as of lately. 
    I know it can be hard to know what to say to someone who is dealing with a situation that you yourself have never gone through...and I don't expect people to say the right thing every time. And I will say that saying something is always better than just ignoring the situation all together (that is even  more uncomfortable for me). I guess his comment just made me want to shout from my roof top...PLEASE don't feel sorry for me. Am I going to have hard days...yes absolutely! Will there be days I cry...yes! Are there nights I lie awake and relive those first few nights in the hospital...most certainly. I won't say that this is easy because for me it is not. But I have never once felt sorry for myself. Just right now Cal is sitting here looking up at me with such a big grin on his face and I know I will never be sorry...so please don't be sorry for me.
     Sometimes I think people don't say anything because they don't want me to feel uncomfortable. And honestly before Cal I would have been one of those people who didn't say anything. I would have ignored the situation all together...but now I see things differently. I love it when people ask me questions...its ok to be curious and I am happy to talk about Cal. I want everyone to know about him!! This little boy has changed me in so many ways...and most days now are good days. The bad are few and far between. I love him with a fierce and protective love that is hard to describe. I will never feel sorry...but rather grateful that he is mine!!